Ways To Tell Your Marriage Is About To Fail
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There have been many studies made on the single probable basis of marital failure. However, such studies have not succeeded in actually identifying such basis although the symptoms of it are basically common among troubled couples. As a result, researchers on the matter have concluded that these symptoms materialize successively.
The first stage of a relationship breakdown process usually involves inflexible conflict and complaints. Having a few misunderstandings from time to time is normal in every relationship given that the couple is able to resolve the issues successfully – when they “agree to disagree”, couples actually put the conflict to rest. It is not the number or the intensity of arguments that matter, but whether or not the resolution of those arguments is possible. A relationship is only in danger when a couple who faces conflicts finds in themselves that they cannot resolve or reach a compromise to meet both parties’ satisfaction.
The next batch of signs often occur when either or both husband and wife start to disdain the other, which would naturally lead into unwanted changes in how they treat each other. Generally, married couples always tend to forgive each other’s weaknesses and transgressions, especially since they also see each other’s strengths and positive traits. However, once the transgressions are done repeatedly despite being confronted about it, a spouse may come to realize that the other is a hopeless case.
Conflict, per se, is not a sure enough predictor of a serious marriage problem. There are couples who fight a lot, but somehow never lose the respect for each other as individuals. Once contempt seeps in the marriage, it is then rested on a shaky ground. Having feelings of contempt for one’s spouse is a powerful predictor of a marriage breakdown, no matter how subtle they are displayed.
The third stage of a marriage breakdown is characterized by the partner’s increasingly defensive behavior, as a reaction to the stress from all the conflict and contempt existing in the relationship. Men in particular (although women too) get hardened by the consistent ongoing conflict. Overtime, partners will see the pattern of being gird-locked – they expect not to be able to resolve the conflict and instead of facing the problem, they progress into the fourth stage – characterized by a breakdown of basic trust between partners. In this fourth stage, there is already an increasing disengagement in the name of self-protection. This is when partners start to avoid each other just to minimize the conflict. This stage is called “stonewalling”.
Such scenarios are highly possible if romantic pairs do not care to find out about their differences in whatever aspect of life. This can be avoided though if they manage to discover further about their compatibility.
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