Signs Of A Decaying Marriage
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There have been many studies made on the single probable basis of marital failure. However, such studies have not succeeded in actually identifying such basis although the symptoms of it are basically common among troubled couples. As a result, researchers on the matter have concluded that these symptoms materialize successively.
The first stage of a relationship breakdown process usually involves inflexible conflict and complaints. Having a few misunderstandings from time to time is normal in every relationship given that the couple is able to resolve the issues successfully – when they “agree to disagree”, couples actually put the conflict to rest. It is not the number or the intensity of arguments that matter, but whether or not the resolution of those arguments is possible. A relationship is only in danger when a couple who faces conflicts finds in themselves that they cannot resolve or reach a compromise to meet both parties’ satisfaction.
By ignoring the earlier symptoms, the next ones would certainly be more serious; one wherein couples may begin to detest each other, which would result into the mutual loss of affection. Normally, both husband and wife can easily pardon each other for faults committed, especially since they still see the more pleasant half of the person they married. However, when the faults are done too often and when criticisms are disregarded, one of them may start to believe that the aberrant other will no longer change.
Conflict, per se, is not a sure enough predictor of a serious marriage problem. There are couples who fight a lot, but somehow never lose the respect for each other as individuals. Once contempt seeps in the marriage, it is then rested on a shaky ground. Having feelings of contempt for one’s spouse is a powerful predictor of a marriage breakdown, no matter how subtle they are displayed.
The third stage of a marriage breakdown is characterized by the partner’s increasingly defensive behavior, as a reaction to the stress from all the conflict and contempt existing in the relationship. Men in particular (although women too) get hardened by the consistent ongoing conflict. Overtime, partners will see the pattern of being gird-locked – they expect not to be able to resolve the conflict and instead of facing the problem, they progress into the fourth stage – characterized by a breakdown of basic trust between partners. In this fourth stage, there is already an increasing disengagement in the name of self-protection. This is when partners start to avoid each other just to minimize the conflict. This stage is called “stonewalling”.
Individuals who get married despite the differences in their objectives in life and in their values have higher risks in experiencing the aforementioned signs. Therefore, it is very important for couples who wish to be married to study further about their compatibility first.
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