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Relationship Help Around Conflict

There are many useful things to understand about conflict. A first one is that conflict is going to happen in any love relationship. There are some good ways to deal with conflict and a lot of bad ways.

There are many unhealthy ways to deal with conflict. Attacking your mate is obviously one of the bad ways. You can attack your partner verbally or non-verbally. Shouting or screaming, mocking them or treating them with disdain are some of the biggest relationship killers.

However, there are several things you can do when conflict arises that are healthy. First, you can take a few deep breathes and notice your reactions. One common reaction to conflict is to revert tot he emotional age of an eight year old.

Another great thing to notice is that conflict causes crappy behavior. Adults acting like kids during conflict will yell, break things, cry, run away, and hurl insults. But you don’t have to take it personally! The bad behavior is only for a few minutes, usually. See if you can begin to not take it too personal.

One powerful thing you can do is to keep the argument from getting too heated. Disarm and de-escalate it. You might say that you need some time to get yourself under control, then leave the room for a few minutes. When you come back, you will both be likely to talk in a more civil manner.

Another thing is to not withdraw affection. Don’t be punitive and withhold touching and caressing from your partner because you are in conflict. The withdrawal of affection is an unhealthy way to deal with conflict. It can be seen as manipulative and punitive.

Next, try to reconnect with your mate after the argument. Don’t wait days to talk civilly to them again. Once things have cooled down, even if you don’t think it was your fault, reconnect. Say “sorry we fought, are you okay?” Do not let the anger between you linger.

Dealing well with conflict takes practice and time to learn. But it is well worth it. You’re going to argue, the question is can you do so in a way that doesn’t kill off your relationship over time.

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